Thursday, February 25, 2010

CAT results lost !!

A mole in the Prometric CAT team has leaked the information that the results of CAT will not be declared by the end of Feb.

Prometric had earlier announced that the results will be out by the mid of Feb and then later by the end of Feb but now when the end itself has come then Prometric is speechless. The mole informs that due to technical glitches and breach of security the results are lost !!! Access of the results database is giving nothing but twitter updates of Karan Johar and SRK.

Some secret pics were also leaked from the Prometric office showing prometric officials deleting all there details from google map and wiping out there internet footprints.Meanwhile, vigilante groups have started keeping a close watch on there office to ensure that prometric doesnt flee off.

(Disclaimer - Piece of satire to show what mockery has been made of the whole process.Even God doesn't know when the results will come. IIMs and CAT are revered by the students but there apathy towards students and their future has left everybody furious.)

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

People go Pagal after seeing PagalGuy Rankings.

Hospitals have reported a sudden increase in the intake of pagals after the release of PagalGuy B School rankings.

Reports started coming after hospitals saw baffled people appearing in numbers to the hospital. Most of them were holding their two fingers up in a V shape and jumping from one toe to the another which seemed to be a Pagal Guy ritual.

Deeper probes in the matter revealed that PagalGuy categorized there rankings in tabs like "overall", "women","freshers","work ex","aspirants","MBA students" and "alumni". "Overall" meant rankings according to the whole of India,"women" meant rankings according to women and similar meanings for all. A fresher who was also an aspirant went berserk when he saw that his favourite college was 19th in the fresher's list and 91 in the aspirant's list. A girl who was a fresher and came from abroad ran back to her native place. She felt it is not a good idea to do management from a country where rankings are so unmanaged.

Meanwhile the doctors are wondering what can the V mean, Victory or Vanquished !!!

Monday, February 1, 2010

Winters.. Where art thou ?

I don't know if global warming is causing the Himalayan glaciers to melt away but i do know that weather of Bangalore has become warmer over the period of years.

Still remember the time when Bangalore had a cool weather throughout the year. The mornings used to be pleasant and nights always had a breeze and nip of coolness. The winters used to be perfect, cold enough to enjoy the hot tea in blanket and not so cold to freeze the bones.However winter came in spurts this year with mostly warm nights and warmer days.

So here I am in bed,reminiscing about the winters when i used to wear muffler, gloves and socks to bed and dive inside layers of blankets, looking at my forlorn blanket and wondering if i will get a chance to use it again this year.

If this is the affect of global warming then we need to act fast. Bangalore, the king of cities in extreme weather, is loosing its crown.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Project Save Salman Khan Fans

All NGOs across country have dropped the save tiger projects and are pledging to save Salman's fan, the species which is decling faster than the endangered animal.

The alarm was raised when the over crowded and always booked multiplex even for horrendous of movies reported that they are running shows of Salman's without any audience.Even the black marketers had not faced so much loss during recession.Studies showed that the unique species ( Salman's Fans) had started showing a decline when Salman Khan was spotted shirtless with hair band,over bulky body, and was heard speaking in a foreign accent. Still the NGOs kept hope and were optimistic about there growth in coming future. But the panic button was hit after the release of "Wanted" and the release of "Veer" was the last nail in the coffin.Even the staunch followers of the superstar have started committing suicide after hearing the dialogue "Ek baar kharab movie banane ka commitment kar liya, phir main apne aap ki bhi bahi sunta".

Salman too is upset about this and blames poaching by other actors like Aamir Khan for making master pieces like 3 Idiots and brain washing the innocent fans. Lets hope for the best and pray that we are not deprived of these rare species.

(Disclaimer - Just an attempt to show the declining quality of movies from the superstar and keeping fingers crossed for good ones in the future.)

Monday, December 28, 2009

Bangalore Safe from the People of Pandora

Attempt by the people of Pandora (PoP) to invade the planet Earth has been successfully foiled.An inquiry was ordered when an alien was found in an unconscious state in an open manhole in Bangalore and surprisingly the findings of the inquiry have come out within a week.

It was found that people of Pandora planned to attack Bangalore after coming to know about the deep hatred seeping
in Bangaloreans for PoP after each and every houseful show of Avataar.They also wanted to kidnap the mushrooming population of techies and use them as cheap labours in Pandora. Their plan was to pierce the heart of every person wearing 3D glasses. However PoP were taken by surprise by the preparedness of Bangalore to any such eventuality. The PoP and the giant birds used by them for travelling choked due to heavy pollution as soon as they entered the Bangalore atmosphere. In a bid to seek shelter they took the shade of the tree which was promptly chopped down by the Metro Development Authority. A map found with them indicated that they wanted to attack Forum Mall but traffic jams and multiple one ways delayed and confused them.

This is a great victory for the authorities of Bangalore who till now have never been able to avert a terror attack. It is a team work of BBMP who claim that the manhole in which alien was found was purposely left open to trap such creatures, Bangalore traffic police who claim that these numerous one ways and traffic jams are to perplex and irritate intruders and not to cause inconvenience and Environmnet Ministry who claim that prevention of pollution and cutting of trees is not a bane but a boon for the city.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Animals chase away PWLA(People Who Love Animals) officials !!!

In a shocking incident, PWLA officials who were carrying out a protest march in front of Jantar Mantar for animal rights were chased away by stray dogs and other animals.The animal committee has raised a concern that PWLA officials are jackals under the garb of a goat and are doing more harm than good.

The whistle was raised when a chicken,who was crossing the road in Chandini Chowk, saw the treasurer of PWLA enjoying butter chicken along with tandoori roti. The chicken was aghast when the treasurer threw the last uneaten piece of chicken to the stray dog who showing solidarity with the dead chicken did not eat it. Since then reports of animal torture by PWLA are pouring in. In a breaking news, Tiger, the puppy of the secretary of PWLA has secretly smsed that his master is enjoying beef sizzler in a popular joint.

Suspicion was smelled about a month back when 2 chickens, 1 cow and a pig, who were approached by PWLA officials for joining them in the protest for civil rights for animals, were reported missing. PWLA officials were contacted right after the protest where they feigned ignorance and zoomed away for a secret dinner party after the successful protest. A comment by the daughter of one of the official " I love animals, they are very tasty" has added fuel to fire.

The situation is grim now and animals need a real messiah to help them and fight for there rights.

Disclaimer - This is not to malign the efforts of any group or individual. This piece of write up came from a thought, Shouldn't people who protest for animals be vegetarians first ?

Monday, December 7, 2009

Cats sue IIMs

In a breaking news making rounds on TV channels, the Cat fraternity has decided to sue IIMs on the charges of defamation.

The Cats were quite proud when the IIMs introduces the online version but they were shocked when the the whole version crumpled down like a castle of cards and the cats were subjected to insult and mockery. All online sites lambasted them and grieved students started throwing stones at them.

To protect their respect and integrity, Cats also tried damage control measures. They volunteered to replace the clueless proctors and help the students. But the apathy of IIMs kicked their endeavor out. It is reported that few cats were hospitalized due to dehydration as they were not allowed to take water bottles inside the test room.Also when the cat committee approached the IIMs, they feigned ignorance by blaming a testing centre called Prometric...

Reports are also making rounds that the feline creatures have also kept the option of out of court settlement. They want the IIMs to rename the test as RAT ( Repeat Again Test) and to be made a party of the deal with Prometric

Meanwhile, the cities which used to be filled with hoardings mentioning NIIT have found that those hoardings have mysteriously disappeared.

Disclaimer : The information in this write up is fictitious (if somebody has still not guessed) with no intention to malign the heros (IIMs, prometric, NIIT or cats). This is to read, enjoy and forget.